The Great Childcare Con

I opened a talk last week with:

“Childcare in the UK? Bit of a clusterf*ck, really.”

Nobody disagreed.

Because if you’ve worked in early years – or tried to access it – you know. It’s broken.
Worse: Apparently it’s being “fixed” by the very people who helped break it.

EARLY YEARS: ALWAYS THE AFTERTHOUGHT

Let’s start with the history lesson no one asked for but everyone needs:

Childcare in this country began 200+ years ago…
Not to “nurture children” or “support development”.
Nope.
To get women into factories.

That energy?
Still very much alive.

Early years has always been the underfunded, over-regulated poor cousin of the education system. Treated as an afterthought. A box to tick. A cost centre.

Meanwhile, all the science says what?
That ages 0 to 7 are the most formative years in a child’s life.

If we wait until 5 to give a sh*t, we’ve already missed the moment.

WHERE’S THE INNOVATION? – BURIED UNDER PAPERWORK.

Ask anyone running a nursery if they’ve got time to innovate and they’ll laugh in your face.

We’re too busy juggling:

• “30 free hours” that are anything but free – underfunded, overpromised, and nowhere near covering the real cost of care.

• Brexit might've nudged the door open, but the real exodus? Burnout. Childcare has become too complex, too underpaid, and too overlooked to attract or retain staff.

• Thanks to policy changes, parents can now bring packed lunches – which means settings must inspect, log, and assess every sandwich for allergens and nutrition. We’re childcare providers, not lunch police.

• National Insurance hikes, cost of living pressures, wage increases, energy bills, food prices, materials costs… all up. Funding? Still flatlining.

• And Ofsted? Still lurking like a shapeshifter in a suit, promising reform while delivering more surveys, shifting rules, and stress.

You think anyone has time to dream up new models while writing allergy policies about hummus and cucumber slices?

THE GOVERNMENT'S MASTER PLAN? 300 NURSERIES IN SCHOOLS.

Right. Cool. Love that for them.

Because if there’s one thing we know about government-led initiatives, it’s that they’re... always seamless, well-run, and deeply human-centred.

Wait.

These 300 nurseries? They’ll be shoved into spare school spaces (you know, the ones gathering dust because birth rates are dropping and families are fleeing cities).
The vibe? “Function room meets filing cabinet.”

No design. No vision. No love.

And let’s not gloss over the bigger insult here:

The way this is being announced – as though school-based nurseries are the gold standard and saviours of early years – is a slap in the face to the thousands of dedicated providers in the PVI (Private, Voluntary and Independent) sector who’ve been holding this system up for years.

These settings have delivered the majority of places, adapted to endless policy shifts, and supported working families with longer hours, holiday care, and the kind of wraparound flexibility schools simply don’t offer.

To suggest that quality care is only found “in familiar school settings,” or that this is some kind of visionary leap forward, is not only wrong – it’s demoralising.

At a time when the sector is buckling under rising costs, underfunding, and chronic undervaluing, this “Plan for Change” reads more like a PR plan for erasure. The PVI sector isn’t an optional extra. It’s the backbone. And it deserves more than a footnote in someone’s ministerial headline.

And let’s talk staffing.
There are no staff.
We already can’t fill roles in existing settings.

Why? Because early years work is incredibly complex, underpaid, undervalued, and overregulated.
Nobody wants to do it. Not without serious reform.

But sure – let’s just open a few hundred more nurseries. What could go wrong?

HERE’S A RADICAL IDEA…

Instead of building shiny new PR-fodder nurseries no one can staff or sustain, how about:

• Investing in the ones that already exist?

• Investing in proper training and pay so people actually want to work with young kids?

• Supporting thoughtful expansion of existing settings?

• Designing environments that feel like childhood, not solitary confinement?

Just a thought.

TO THE MINISTER FOR EARLY YEARS (WHOEVER YOU ARE THIS WEEK):

Stop thinking like a politician.
Start thinking like an entrepreneur.
Listen to people who actually know how the sector works.

Or at the very least…
If you insist on building your 300 school-based nurseries,
let me design them for you.

Because right now, this whole thing looks like another poorly disguised “Look at us!” strategy with a two-year shelf life.

And the kids?
They deserve better.

We’re on the brink.
But we’re also on the edge of something better —

if we stop doing the same dumb sh*t and expecting different results.

We need real innovation in childcare!